A Fresh Start (To Life, and Blogging)

Alright. Here it is, a hard truth to kick off the new blog:

I suck at blogging.

In my defence, I have recently been struggling with the nasty 'D' word. Depression that is. I could delve into this, but using my better judgement I realize that this is not the time. You will see more on this later.

My first attempt at blogging was awful. Why? Because it was all about the adoption. While I love my daughter Elodie deeply, speaking about her can be difficult. Sometimes I cannot find the words and at other times when I find them I cannot find a way of sharing them. As any birthmom will tell you: it's complicated.

Because I was finding blogging about the adoption to be such a struggle, I decided to attempt something new and just blog about life. Maybe this seems silly to some, to have such a strong desire to blog. Perhaps at this point, many would have just given up and realized it was not for them. I guess I'm too stubborn for that. Writing has always been so therapeutic for me and I really felt (and still feel) as though blogging is an anonymous way for me to share my experiences. It just seemed like something I needed.

But then, it still didn't get any easier. I was met by a new challenge. I felt this deep unexplicable need to explain myself on my blog. This was hard because I have such a vast array of experiences that I have encountered in my short twenty-two years. I began to focus on the negative things I have been through. Once again, I faced the issue of not being able to find the words to describe these experiences. Before long, depression swooped over me and I couldn't think of one single word I wanted to say about anything.

Now? I want a fresh start.

At everything. Mostly life, as it is time to move forward. But also at blogging. I'm not going to delve much into the past. Maybe at certain moments, in regars to particular instances if I feel the desire or need. For the most part though I'm leaving my past behind. I'll bring some things with me, but it's high time to start living in the present. What I've come to realize is that if you spend all of your time fretting over the past, or worrying about the future, you never really enjoy anything. It's no wonder I was failing for so long to pull myself out of my depression. I thought the key was in sorting out my past when it's really about accepting that the past cannot be changed and moving forward.

And so here it is, my new blog. A place where I will come once a week to release my thoughts and work through this beautiful mess we call life.

I look forward to the journey,
xo.